Never Alone

Studying is a lonely pursuit.

The first semester classes of medical school lent themselves well to group studying, which was a real blessing.  We had a lot of fun with our study group, and it made the mountains of anatomy and histology packets bearable.  The rest of med school, though, was better suited for solo study... just sitting down alone to read and learn.  Aaron and I would occasionally study together, but it was mostly just quizzing each other a bit before tests.  The past couple weeks, Aaron and I have been doing a lot of our board studying together, and that's been a really nice change of pace.

It's hard to imagine how different and much more difficult medical school would be without Aaron.  Having a spouse in medical school can certainly make plenty of things more challenging - during weeks with lots of exams, the dishes and laundry build up and dinner ends up being something like frozen pizza or Tuna Helper.  However, the benefits far outweigh the challenges.  The top positive is that we got to spend the last two years together, almost every hour of every day.  There is no person on earth I'd rather spend time with than Aaron.  We love to be together, so it's been such a blessing to get to have the same schedule for the first two years of our marriage.  It's also so nice to have a spouse who really understands what I've been going through, since he is going through it too.  Medical school is often hard for people to understand who haven't experienced it.  It's nice to know also that neither of us feels neglected when a particular weekend ends up being really quiet, since we're both studying really hard; I'm sure that can be a challenge for some students whose spouses aren't in medical school. 

All that being said, even with a spouse who is in the same year of medical school, studying still tends to be lonely.  We have plenty of relationships we really enjoy, but often don't have the time to spend with friends and family that we wish we did. It can be isolating to spend so much time alone studying every day.  At a time in our lives when most of our peers work 9 to 5 jobs and have evenings and weekends to hang out and build friendships, it can be sad and frustrating to have so little time to join them.  I think having so little free time can be especially lonely in the age of communication.  Not only do medical students not have as much time to hang out with friends, there are constant reminders online of the much more active social lives of non-medical school friends.   Though the next couple years of school will have new challenges, it will be really nice to be spending more time with people than books again! 

The last couple years have required a lot of sacrifice, especially once Julia entered the scene and made things even more challenging.  I wouldn't trade my life for anything, though.  God loves us and we love Him.  I have a beautiful family that I love with all my heart.  Aaron and I both come from loving families that add so much joy to our lives.  We are blessed to have truly wonderful friends.  And I believe that all the sacrifices we are making currently will be worth it in the end.  As hard as studying may be sometimes, I believe that God has a plan for our schooling.  Here's a link to an awesome account of the way an alumni from my medical school was able to make a big difference in the aftermath of the recent Joplin tornado.  I pray God will put all we are learning to good use someday to make a difference in the lives of others.  We feel passionate about the need for good Catholic doctors.  St. Gianna Beretta Molla, a wife, mother, physician, and a role model of mine, had this to say about the need: 

"Everyone works in the service of man. We doctors work directly on man himself... The great mystery of man is Jesus: 'He who visits a sick person, helps me,' Jesus said... Just as the priest can touch Jesus, so do we touch Jesus in the bodies of our patients... We have opportunities to do good that the priest doesn't have. Our mission is not finished when medicines are no longer of use. We must bring the soul to God; our word has some authority... Catholic doctors are so necessary!"

Everyone gets lonely sometimes; loneliness is just a part of life.  I suppose it's what we do with our loneliness that counts.  Do we use it for a catalyst to reach out and connect with others?  And, most importantly, do we use it as a catalyst to commune with Christ?  After all, we are never alone.  That's a promise.  "'And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age'" (Matthew 28:20b).