The Joy of Calling

Here is another post that has been archived for a long, long time. I hadn't posted it because it is so raw and honest, but I want to share this now. I have people ask me from time to time what it is like to be a mother in medical school, including several younger women considering medical school. I hope any insight in this post might benefit them in some small way.

This post was written during my third year of medical school, in the midst of some rotations with very long, tiring days. 

One of the hardest things about being a med school mom is that very few people understand what it's really like and it is difficult to be completely truthful about life because no one really wants to hear about it.

I can't be completely honest with my colleagues about how hard it is, sometimes, to be a mother, because I know 1) it's hard to even understand how life-altering and, despite the joys, difficult it is to be a parent unless you are a parent yourself, and 2) in a world where contraception is the norm and even abortion is viewed by some as acceptable (so, so, so sad!), the amount of compassion people have for people who choose to be parents is pretty low. So many people wait until the "perfect" time to have children, when, in reality in medicine, that doesn't really exist, especially not during medical school or residency, at which point you're usually at least 29 if you went to med school straight from undergraduate. And if you don't wait for the "perfect time"? Well, that stinks for you, but it was your choice so don't whine to me about it. I'm using hyperbole to make a point... but this attitude really is somewhat prevalent. Don't get me wrong - there are plenty of people I know who are so supportive of me and other parents even if they don't have children themselves (and praise God for them!), but I definitely run into people who have no compassion for parents at all. I've had a classmate complain to residents that it wasn't fair that I "got a break" while I took 15 minutes a couple times a day to pump breastmilk (since that was SO fun, let me tell you). For real. I have single friends who often say things like, "Med students with families should get some priority on their rotations" (i.e. not being sent far away for their rural month) but others think that's completely unfair. That students with children shouldn't be given any priority for anything. That they chose to have children and they should suffer any consequences for their unusual choice to bring life into the world during training years. Many of my colleagues really do enjoy hearing about Julia and my enthusiasm about her, but I really don't get the feeling that any complaining about how exhausting it can be to be a mother in addition to med school would be welcome... despite the fact that whining about anything else, even stuff that is minor (early mornings, bad attendings, yucky cafeteria food, etc.) is perfectly socially acceptable to whine about.

And, on the flip side, I can't be completely honest with my non-medical school friends and family about how hard it is, sometimes, to be a medical student because 1) it's hard to even understand how life-altering and, despite the joys, difficult it is to be a medical student unless you've been one yourself, and 2) being friends with lots of Christian, especially Catholic people, who are pro-life, understand God's purpose for marriage, and love big families with lots of children, I feel it's probably hard for them to understand, if they knew how hard it was, why I don't just drop out and stay home. I don't whine much because, first of all, I try to be a positive and grateful person, but I also don't feel it would make much sense to most of my friends. "But," they might say, "If it's that difficult and stressful, why don't you just drop out and be a stay at home mom?"

That is a question that most mothers have to grapple with at some point. To work outside the home or not? In what capacity? How many hours per week? As much as I would love to work part-time, unfortunately, at this point in my training, I have zero flexibility. It's all or nothing for me. And I've chosen the "all" because it's what I feel called to do at this point. I believe God has a purpose for my schooling, and that He can use my training to bring Him glory and, hopefully, ultimately, impact lives and draw souls to Him. And, even more importantly, I feel called to be a mother. With God and Aaron to bring new life into the world, to raise my daughter to know, love, and serve God, and to know that she is loved by God and by Aaron and me. Children are a huge blessing to marriage, fertility is a gift, and, though children do require enormous sacrifice, they are so worth it.

And, after all, one thing the secular world doesn't understand is that my goal isn't easiness anyhow. So many people are looking to find the path of least resistance, the one in which they can be happiest now, while simultaneously trying to secure future happiness. As a Christian, my goal isn't immediate happiness, it is holiness. Growing in holiness almost always involves sacrifice, so the particulars God has called me to may be difficult sometimes, but they are such beautiful opportunities for grace. And, better than the fleeting happiness of more time for myself or having a pinterest worthy house or being a "perfect" medical student, I have the deep, abiding joy of a beautiful family, fulfilling work, and peace that I am following God's plan for me.

Maybe I don't have much to whine about anyway.