The Foxes in the Vineyard Will Not Steal My Joy

I have always been a big fan of October, since it's my birthday month, but October 2013 was quite a trying month. I was on a pediatric ER rotation that was extremely draining. I had expected for it to be an easier month, since I was working shifts and didn't have to work every day, but it was much harder than I thought. For once thing, the work was very demanding and the hours (10a to 10p or 2p to 2a) were tiring. The main reason for my exhaustion, though, was that I was working with someone who sucked me dry every day through her negativity and hatefulness. It's very hard to keep close quarters with someone that makes you feel so down, especially when you don't even the have the option of just walking away from it. Every day, I tried to keep a smile on my face, and to pray for her. Every day, though, I left feeling sapped and sad. Every day that I had to work, I dreaded it, and would often cry to Aaron throughout the month that I didn't want to go in to work. I was seriously questioning God's plan for me that month, wondering if I'd been mistaken in thinking that God had called me to pursue a residency training program, wondering if my lack of joy was indicative of discernment gone wrong.

God has a plan, though, and He never lets any of our experiences, good or bad, go to waste. Of course, He had a lot to teach me that month. One of the things that I began to realize that month is that joy is conspicuously absent in most hospitals. The patients are sick and are sad to be hospitalized. Families are stressed and worried. The staff is overworked, unappreciated, and largely underpaid. Problems run amok in our broken healthcare system, so complaints are voiced loudly and often by patients, families, and staff alike. Being in healthcare, there are lots of Christian values that are espoused, aspired to, and shared by majority of people in the healthcare field, regardless of their religious faith - compassion, kindness, even self-sacrifice. But joy is not among them. Joy is a mark of a Christian that is almost most unique in today's world, certainly most unique in the microcosm of healthcare. 

One thing that God really placed on my heart that month is that I am called to joy and that I am called to share that joy as a ministry. The absence of joy creates such a hunger for it. There's a song that I used to sing in my parish growing up called "They'll Know We are Christians by Our Love." I began to feel that, in my own life, people would be more even more apt to know that I am a Christian by my joy, because it was beginning to feel like such a rare and precious commodity.

But how to hold onto that joy in the face of bitterness and hatefulness?

Though I'd asked for a day or two off around my birthday, I ended up being scheduled to work both days that weekend. I will freely admit that I was feeling pretty down about it. On the evening of my twenty-sixth birthday, I went down to the cafeteria to grab some food to bring back to the ER to eat for dinner between seeing patients. Getting to leave the ER for a few minutes was a breath of fresh air, but dread filled me as I left to head back. As I was leaving the cafeteria, I crossed paths with a security guard that I had never seen before (and have not seen since). He looked a little like Santa with his snow white beard, and he was wearing a baseball cap with a big cross on it.

His eyes pierced my soul as he said, seemingly out of nowhere, "Are you happy? Do you love your work?"

This completely caught me off guard, but I managed a feeble, "Yes."

"Well, you should have a smile on your face!" he boomed.

I just kind of laughed, amazed. I think we may have exchanged "have a good night" before he disappeared down the hallway.

I really feel that I encountered an angel that night. I get goosebumps remembering the experience. There is no doubt in my mind that God spoke to me through that man that evening.

Where was my smile? Where was my joy?

My work is a gift from God. Aaron often reminds me that God made work, and that work is inherently good. Even in Eden, Adam and Eve had God-given work to do, taking care of the garden and all its creatures. I am so blessed to have been given work that I do love, getting to use my God-given intellect and skills to help bring health of mind, body, and spirit to God's people. What a privilege to share in Christ's ministry of healing!

And even if I didn't love my work, even then, I should have a smile on my face. Because God is good! And He loves me! Jesus saved me! I have nothing to fear, even death, since Jesus died for love of me! How good is the good news of the gospel!? It really is good enough that I should have a huge smile on, even when headed back to the trenches of the ER to work with an insufferable attending on my birthday.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I shall say it again: rejoice!" - Philippians 4:4

The joy of the gospel is mine. Nothing and no one can take that good news away from me. Since that time, I've really been trying to focus on that truth.

"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39

There's a song by Audrey Assad called "Good to Me" that has become an anthem of sorts for me this year, especially a particular one of the lines:

"The foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy."

I say that often to myself, especially on the hard days.

The scriptural reference for this line is Song of Songs 2:15: "Catch us the foxes, the little foxes

that damage the vineyards; for our vineyards are in bloom!"

Foxes are inevitable in this life. Never in this life on earth will I be free of them. However, my joy in Christ belongs to me, not the foxes, and, with His help, I can stand firm and defend it, protecting it from being stolen.

My joy can grow in the midst of the ugly haze of even the most toxic work environment if protected well. I'm fortunate to work in a much healthier environment most months, but even on the worst months, my joy has the capacity to not only live, but flourish, if I allow the Holy Spirit to guard it. And what a testament it can be to the gospel! A green tree rising up to heaven in the middle of a gray, desolate city, giving beauty, oxygen, and hope. I want people to wonder about the reason for my smile, my positive attitude, my joy. I want the people around me to ask me from whence shall come my help?

"I raise my eyes toward the mountains.

From whence shall come my help?

My help comes from the LORD,

the maker of heaven and earth."

- Psalm 121:1-2 

I cling tight to the gift of the joy of the gospel. The foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy.

Good to Me

Audrey Assad

I put all my hope in the truth of Your promise
And I steady my heart on the ground of Your goodness
When I’m bowed down with sorrow I will lift up Your name
And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me

You are good to me, good to me

You are good to me

I lift up my eyes to the hills where my help is found
Your voice fills the night – raise my head up to hear the sound
Though fires burn all around me I will praise You, my God
And the foxes in the vineyard will not steal my joy

Because You are good to me, good to me

You are good to me, good to me

You are good to me

Your goodness and mercy shall follow me
All my life
I will trust in Your promise