Francis
We found out on Saturday, March 9, 2013 that we were expecting a new baby, and we were filled with such joy. We wanted to share the news with our families quickly because 1) I hate keeping exciting things to myself, 2) we knew our families would be delighted to share in our joy, and 3) we were needing to tell the people at work in charge of next year's schedule that we'd be needing some time off for maternity/paternity leave, and we wanted to tell our families before telling work.
Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio was elected to the papacy on March 13 and chose the name Pope Francis, in honor of St. Francis Assisi, a 13th-century friar who embraced a life of simplicity, loved the poor, loved creation, and went forward joyfully to proclaim the gospel and help rebuild the Church. We looked for an opportunity to gather my family together to share the news, and decided Pope Francis' inauguration on Tuesday, March 19, was a perfect excuse to invite everyone to a little party. I made a pork roast in the crock pot for carnitas tacos and some guacamole and chips, Meghan made some black beans, and my mom made a delicious gluten-free chocolate cake to celebrate Pope Francis (which we could all eat even though it was Lent since it was the Solemnity of St. Joseph!).
Earlier that day, Aaron and I had shared our good news about Baby Isley with Julia. We hadn't told her before because we figured she'd prematurely spill the beans. She was really excited. We coached her to say a modified version of her little circus ditty from her birthday, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, presenting Julia the big sister!" Sometimes, she also said the phrase substituting the end for "presenting Baby Isley!" It was super cute.
At dinner that night at my parents' house, Julia said, "Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, presenting Julia the big sister!" and everyone just paused, wide eyed, not knowing if they should believe this huge announcement from a semi-reliable two-year-old. Meghan said, "Wait! What!? Is Julia really a big sister?!" Aaron and I were laughing and nodding, and everyone started getting so excited and giving all three of us hugs and congratulations. Everyone was pretty impressed that we'd managed to throw a party without them knowing our ulterior motive.
Erik showed up much later in the evening, and Julia ran up to him with her announcement. It didn't register for a second, so he just nonchalantly said, "Good job, Julia" before suddenly jumping up, surprised, questioning her veracity. He, too, was of course, very excited for all of us.
Sarah added a flourish to my mom's cake before we ate it.
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| Cousin Mary-Claire worn out from the evening's excitement. |
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| Julia, the big sister, also completely tuckered out from all the excitement. |
A few days before I started to miscarry Francis Marie, but likely after she'd already died unbeknownst to us, Aaron and I were talking about names. Even when I'm not pregnant, I LOVE to think about baby names. It's just so fun. Being pregnant, though, ramps my love of names up quite a bit. It's been one of my favorite ways to waste time lately - scouring baby name books or websites, reading more about saints with cool names, etc. We'd been thinking and talking much more about girl names than boy names, since we generally have a harder time coming up with girl names we love than boy names we love.
In this conversation with Aaron, I brought up the name Francis. I told him it was one of the few names I really like for a girl or a boy. Generally, we like names that are not at all ambiguous. I actually told him, crazy as this is looking back now, that I thought it was a wonderful name for a child if he or she dies before the parents knew the gender, because it works so well for a boy or a girl, and if the gender guess is wrong, the child in heaven will still be so pleased with his or her name. Aaron didn't know much about women being named Frances, and I told him a little about St. Frances Cabrini and St. Frances of Rome, both female saints.
After my miscarriage began slowly this weekend, that conversation just kept replaying itself in my head. In my heart, I began calling the baby Francis, without even knowing for sure whether he or she was okay. I was waiting to see my OB/GYN on Monday, so I still had a small hope that maybe the baby was okay, but in my heart, I think I already knew.
On Sunday night, when Aaron returned from the wedding he'd been at in Omaha this weekend, he had brought back some presents from his mom, including a big sister book for Julia and a little plush toy for the new baby. The gift she'd sent along for Aaron and me was a beautiful garden statue of St. Francis of Assisi! She'd seen it and thought of us and how we've celebrated Pope Francis, and decided to buy it to adorn our lawn. As soon as I saw the gift, I burst into tears.
Not only is it a statue of St. Francis, but he is holding birds. There is a story about St. Francis that he was traveling along a road with some of his companions, and he paused on the journey to preach to his "sisters" the birds, and none of them flew off but instead surrounded him and listened to him. Seeing St. Francis with birds in his hands reminds me of this verse:
"Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows." - Matthew 10:29-31
It was, and is, a wonderful reminder that if His eye is on the sparrow, how much more was He and is He caring for my precious child?
It was becoming clearer and clearer to me that our child's name would be Francis, although we didn't officially decide on the name then. We had the ultrasound on Monday and saw our beautiful child and saw, quite clearly, that there was no heartbeat. Our doctor soon confirmed this, and shortly after, we decided we were having a daughter (since Julia had been so sure she was having a "little sister") and decided to name her Francis.
Of course, we have other deep connections to St. Francis of Assisi. It's the parish and school Aaron grew up at, which was very formative in his life of faith. When I was in grade school, I accidentally broke a statue of St. Francis of Assisi at a craft fair at church. My mom had to buy it, and my dad glued it back together and gave it to me. It was the beginning of my love for the saint, for his enthusiastic love for God, the Church, people, and all of creation. I even dressed up as St. Francis one Halloween, wearing a brown robe my Grandmom sewed and a bald cap with a fake fur tonsure and beard my dad helped me make. Ha!
As Aaron and I were on the brink of dating (we started dating in Rome, later in the pilgrimage), we visited Assisi and St. Francis became an important saint in our relationship. We loved Assisi and its Saints, and often talked about if we could go back to anywhere we've visited, Assisi would be the place. We even used to joke/dream about buying a vacation home there someday. Aaron bought an icon of St. Francis while in Assisi that has always been hung in our home, and is currently right in the entry way of our house. The St. Francis icon and a Madonna of the Streets icon flank a Divine Mercy image we got in Poland.
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| The entryway icons. |
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| St. Francis of Assisi icon, bought in Italy while we were on pilgrimage there. |
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| Image of Divine Mercy from Poland pilgrimage. "Jezu Ufam Tobie" means "Jesus, I trust in You!" What a wonderful message for us during this difficult time (and at all times!). |
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| Madonna della Strada icon Aaron also purchased while in Italy. It's a beautiful reminder to me that Francis has a mother in heaven to hold her in Our Blessed Mother. |
So, in summary, we named our baby Francis because
1) First and foremost, the Holy Spirit had placed Francis on my heart as her name.
2) We had a party to celebrate her life along with a celebration for Pope Francis. It was the only big party we'd end up having, during her life on earth, to celebrate her.
3) St. Francis of Assisi has been a special saint to us throughout our lives and our relationship.
4) We received the beautiful statue of St. Francis from Aaron's mom, as all of this was unfolding.
We went back and forth for a while on whether to spell the name Francis, or the more feminine Frances, but decided, ultimately, to go with Francis, since we're not certain of the gender and it's the more gender neutral spelling, and her patron saint is St. Francis of Assisi, who spells it with an "i." We love it, and we're confident she loves it, too.
Marie
The story of the middle name is more simple. Julia's middle name is Grace, which we chose as a way to honor the gift of God's grace in our life. When she was born, though, Aaron's mom found a holy card of Our Lady of Grace in the hospital gift shop, and bought it for us. We then decided that God must have led us to her middle name, and, in His grace, was also providing another patron saint for her in our Blessed Mother, the mediatrix of all of God's graces. So, from that time on, we viewed Julia Grace as having two important patron saints and intercessors - St. Julie Billiart (my confirmation saint for whom she was named) and Our Lady of Grace.
We were so inspired that Julia ended up with a Marian name without us, in a way, even planning it or initially realizing it, and talked about how neat it would be if all of our future daughters also had a Marian name of some sort. After we decided on Francis' first name, deciding on her middle name was easy. It seemed fitting to choose Marie to honor the Blessed Mother, who is a mother to all of Jesus' beloved disciples (John 19:27) and will be a mother for Francis Marie in heaven. I like to imagine Mary holding Francis in her arms, taking the best care of her for me.
Aaron and I adopted Our Lady of Guadalupe as the patron saint of our marriage while we were on our honeymoon in Mexico. We had a powerful, prayerful experience in a cathedral there, and bought an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe at the small cathedral bookstore, that we hung in our guest bathroom, along with a crucifix from a mission trip we took to Guatemala during undergraduate. Those images accompanied Francis Marie's entrance into the world when we had a natural miscarriage at our home on the night of April 29, Feast Day of St. Catherine of Sienna, patron saint of miscarriages. After our miscarriage, the next day, our pastor prayed over Francis Marie's body in the chapel at the children's hospital. And in that chapel, there is, of course, a crucifix, and, I was amazed to see there was, of all the possible images of our Blessed Mother, an image of Our Lady of Guadalupe.
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| A beautiful reminder of the presence of our Lord. |
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| Guatemalan crucifix. |
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| Our Lady of Guadalupe icon that we found in Mexico on our honeymoon. |
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| The chapel. Note the crucifix and the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe. Also note the tabernacle - it was so good to have Eucharistic Jesus present with us! |
Although usually a female name, Marie can be a male middle name (more commonly elsewhere in the world than in the United States), but Meghan also pointed out that Pope Francis' name had been Jorge Mario, so perhaps if our child is actually a son, he will call himself Francis Mario, and share another connection to our Holy Father. Regardless, though, I really like thinking that Francis Marie has a name to proud of whether she is indeed a daughter or is, in fact, a son.
Why All This Matters
I'm sure, in her supreme happiness in heaven, these little things may not matter too much to Francis, but somehow it's been a big comfort to us. In the end, all that really matters for Francis Marie is that she is with God and that she is loved by Him. But, we love Francis Marie so much, too, and I think God has given us many graces throughout this for the benefit of our hearts. He has given us little ways to show her we love her and want to honor her and that she holds such a special place in our hearts and in our family, and that is healing for us (and I'm sure she feels very loved by us, too). Francis doesn't need any of this, since she is already enjoying paradise, but God, in His wisdom and mercy, gives Aaron and me, also His beloved children, exactly what we need, and we're so grateful for His providence and care for us. He really is such a good God, and He understands so well the suffering of us all. Our Father understands the pain of losing a child - His innocent Son died on a cross, to save us, who crucified Him, from our sin. And, even after we crucified His Son, He welcomes us back into the fold with open arms and treats us with such incredible love, compassion, and care. Truly, what an awesome God we serve!
We're grateful for the gift of Francis Marie's name, and for her patron saints, St. Francis of Assisi and Our Blessed Mother. We are confident that Francis Marie, and all the angels and saints, are praying for our family. What a beautiful gift!
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