There are so many posts from the last couple months that I hadn't written because the story was so interwoven with another that I hadn't yet told. Namely, the story of our second child. It was hard to talk about our March trip to family museum day without mentioning it was the morning we found out we were expecting a baby and were so ecstatic. It was hard to talk about my months of rural hospital without talking about how incredibly challenging it was to get out of bed so early in the morning, drive almost an hour, see patients or assist at surgeries, and drive home again while feeling so, so nauseated and tired from morning sickness. It was hard to talk about anything, really, from the last couple months without revealing our precious little secret, the new life inside me that had already changed our family and filled us with so much joy.
I was so excited to blog about this new little person. To reveal how thrilled we were to be parents again. To talk about how adorable Julia was, already, as a big sister, talking fondly about Baby Isley, her "little sister," and giving my belly sweet kisses. To reflect on our confidence that God was going to provide for our family, as challenging as it was going to be to have a new baby during our intern year of residency.
In past weeks, we'd shared the good news with precious few, but yesterday and today, we've shared much different, sadder news with a few more. And now, I want to share that news with you. It's not the news we wanted to share, but not our will, but God's be done. Blessed be God.
Dearest family and friends,
It is with great sadness that I write to let you know that Aaron and I have suffered the loss of a child via miscarriage. We were 11.5 weeks along. Although it was too soon to know the sex of the baby, all along, Julia kept referring to the baby as her sister, so we have decided to name her Francis Marie.
We were filled with such immense joy for the weeks that we were anticipating Francis' life ahead. We were due in November, and were so very excited to have another child to love and raise in faith and to be blessed with a sibling for Julia. We are grieving deeply that we will not know Francis on this earth.
"You formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb. I praise you, because I am wonderfully made; wonderful are your works! My very self you know. My bones are not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, fashioned in the depths of the earth." - Psalm 139:13-15
We are so grateful to God, though, for the gift of our beloved child, Francis Marie. We know that, hard as this may be, that this was God's perfect plan for Francis - Aaron and I were blessed to participate in her creation by God, and then, after experiencing the love of her earthly family in the secret of her mother's womb for a few precious weeks, she was meant to go straight to the arms of her heavenly Father and our Blessed Mother. "Jesus, however, called the children to himself and said, 'Let the children come to me and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these'" (Luke 18:16).
We have such hope and confidence that we will join her one day in heaven and spend eternity with her, praising God all together. We are grateful to have a little saint in heaven, watching over and praying for our family.
"I consider that the sufferings of this present time are as nothing compared with the glory to be revealed for us." - Romans 8:28
Although we grieve, we praise. Blessed be God forever!
"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD!" - Job 1:21b
If the miscarriage is not completed soon, I will likely be having a D&C later this week. Our pastor will be on hand to give Francis Marie a blessing after she is delivered. St. Francis Hospital has a beautiful way to respect Francis and other miscarried children, by cremating their remains together, and burying them together, periodically, in a special plot. When she is buried, we will have the opportunity to be there, and participate in a prayer service. I think this is a beautiful way that the Church, through its Catholic hospitals and some of the wonderful priests and religious who minister there, are able to give a witness to the dignity of human life from the moment of conception.
We would so appreciate your prayers for our family during this time. We love you all and appreciate your presence in our lives.
Love in Christ,
Kate, Aaron, Julia, and (in spirit) Baby Francis
Miscarriage Prayer by Mother M. Angelica
My Lord, the baby is dead!
Why, my Lord—dare I ask why? It will not hear the whisper of the wind or see the beauty of its parents’ face—it will not see the beauty of Your creation or the flame of a sunrise. Why, my Lord?
“Why, My child—do you ask ‘why’? Well, I will tell you why.
You see, the child lives. Instead of the wind he hears the sound of angels singing before My throne. Instead of the beauty that passes he sees everlasting Beauty—he sees My face. He was created and lived a short time so the image of his parents imprinted on his face may stand before Me as their personal intercessor. He knows secrets of heaven unknown to men on earth. He laughs with a special joy that only the innocent possess. My ways are not the ways of man. I create for My Kingdom and each creature fills a place in that Kingdom that could not be filled by another. He was created for My joy and his parents’ merits. He has never seen pain or sin. He has never felt hunger or pain. I breathed a soul into a seed, made it grow and called it forth.”
I am humbled before you, my Lord, for questioning Your wisdom, goodness, and love. I speak as a fool—forgive me. I acknowledge Your sovereign rights over life and death. I thank You for the life that began for so short a time to enjoy so long an Eternity.
As we ask you for your prayers, we also ask some of our dear friends in heaven to pray for us, too...
Francis Marie, pray for us!
Our Lady of Fatima, pray for us!
Our Lady of Guadalupe, pray for us!
Our Lady of Grace, pray for us!
St. Augustine, pray for us!
St. Catherine, pray for us!
St. Gregory, pray for us!
St. Gerard, pray for us!
St. Julie Billiart, pray for us!
St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us!
St. Maximilian Kolbe, pray for us!
St. Gianna, pray for us!
Immaculate Heart of Mary, pray for us!
Sacred Heart of Jesus, have mercy on us!
All the saints and angels, pray for us!
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