I guess I should start at the beginning.
I wrote a journal entry late in the day that we found out we were expecting a second child. I never intended for it to be shared, but I also never imagined how little time with Francis I'd have, and how precious these reflections would end up being to me.
Praise God for the Spirit driving me to preserve this beautiful time of joy, hope, and gratitude!
Below is an excerpt from my reflection that day.
March 9, 2013
Today, we found out we are expecting our second child....
(I go on in the journal entry to tell some personal stories of how we'd been hoping to have another child, and how pleasantly surprised we were to finally be blessed with another baby! After Aaron and I found out the good news early that Saturday morning...)
...we shared some moments of pure happiness. We
got back in our warm bed with our sweet, bedheaded Julia and we prayed prayers
of thanksgiving to God, the author of life who entrusted us with this new
child.
I was so overwhelmed by the magnitude of it all. We’d been praying that God would bless us with another child if
it is His will, and… boom… all of a sudden… eternal soul. I pray, pray, pray
that nothing ill befall him or her and that I carry him or her to term, but it
just boggled my mind this morning, that, no matter how long he or she survives,
he or she exists. A new person, who
will exist for all of eternity. We have two
children now, equally beloved by God. This child is so, so tiny right now, but
is no less a person that you or me or anyone I know. Unique DNA, unique body,
unique soul. Amazing.
I was also overwhelmed that this child is going to change
our lives the way Julia has. When I look back at how different our lives are
now with Julia vs. pre-Julia, it’s astonishing. She was such a game changer,
and I know she’s going to change so many lives throughout the course of her
life, simply by being who she is. And this baby will, too. A new person to
alter the course of history. Amazing. I’m just so amazed that life can just be
moving along, with minute daily changes, and then, boom… something huge happens
and everything changes, in a way. So monumental.
I’d say my overwhelming emotion today was happiness. When we
found out we were pregnant with Julia, I was happy, but so, so scared. I know
having a baby during intern year is going to be Hard with a capital H, but
Julia taught me that openness to God’s will and to life never goes unrewarded.
Yes, it can be a huge challenge, but God is with us every step of the way, and
gives us all the grace we need to handle any situation. The timing of Julia was
challenging, but perfect, and I know this is, too. God will take care of our
family, and family is so much more important than career, anyhow. He will guide
our steps to make sure our children are always well taken care of and know how truly loved they are.
And, I was so worried and scared with Julia… and look how
it’s turned out? Perfectly. We love her SO much. She makes our life so much
richer and more beautiful. We can’t imagine life without her. My fears about
all those thing I worried about back then are dead… because it’s all worked out
just fine. So, I have more trust and confidence this time around, seeing the
way God has worked out the good for “those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).
You sometimes hear people say they love their first child so
much that they fear they can’t love another as much… and they do. I’ve never
had such fears, but I noticed that my love for Julia actually enhances my
ability to love my new baby. The new baby is more real to me in this early
stage than Julia was, just because I now have so much of a better concept of
what it means for a baby to grow and grow, come out, and be. And I know the
powerful, transforming love of motherhood. So, because of my deep love for
Julia, I’m capable of even more love. And that’s beautiful to me.
I’m also just so excited for my family. Aaron is the best dad.
Really and truly. The best. So gentle, so patient, so kind, so fun. I tear up
just writing about it. He’s such a natural, and Julia just adores him. I’m so
happy that I get to bring a new son or daughter into the world for Aaron, for
him to love and form. And I’m so excited for Julia. She’s going to be the best
big sister. She has her daddy’s sweet nature, his patience, kindness, and
gentleness, and she is going to have such fun with a little brother or sister.
I kept almost tearing up looking at Julia today, thinking that she is my big
girl now, but that she will always, of course, still be my baby. That she has
no idea how much her world will change, but that, despite some adjustments for her, it
will be so much for the better.
My heart is bursting tonight.
Oh, thank you, Jesus. May we strive to be worthy recipients
of so great a gift.
I love my family of four. And I love you, Jesus.
 |
| Our family of four on the joyful day we found out we were expecting a second child. |
No comments:
Post a Comment