Our Loving Father's Providence

I am still processing what happened last week.

I know that God uses time to heal wounds, and as each day passes, I cry a little bit less and feel a little bit stronger. We can't ever thank you enough for your continued prayers for us. Truly.

God has been teaching us some beautiful lessons through our daughter, Francis Marie. We've also been so blessed to hear from others that God has used Francis' story to, in some way, touch their own hearts and lives.

One of the most important lessons I've been learning, and want to share today is this:

Our good God gives us exactly what we need, exactly when we need it.

Experiencing a miscarriage was devastating and traumatic. But, even in the midst of my heartbreak, even through the hardest moments, I kept saying to Aaron, almost amazed, "We're okay. We're going to be okay."

And we are. So many have to live through so many more things much, much more devastating and traumatic than our first trimester loss of a child. And, yet, even through some of the worst possible experiences, by the grace of God, it is possible to live, to heal, to thrive. I've read books like Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust by Immaculée Ilibagiza, and have been completely amazed by the strength of people like Immaculée. She lived in hiding for three months in a small bathroom with seven other women during a genocide in her country. Most of her family and friends were brutally killed during the genocide. Yet, she survived the experience, forgave the men who murdered her family and friends, and has gone on to live a full life of working to promote peace, forgiveness, and love in the world. The amazing strength she and others have shown in the face of unbelievable hardship was a pure gift from God.

God gives each of His children exactly what they need, when they need it. He will never deny His children the gift of His grace. We have only to ask.


Whenever I think about the timing of God's gifts, I'm reminded of a passage from one of my favorite books, The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom. This book is an autobiography of a Christian woman in the Netherlands who hid Jews in her home during the Holocaust, was caught, and survived a Nazi prison camp. In early chapters, she describes her childhood, and relates a conversation with her father about death. She asks him how she will ever be able to face death without fear:

“Father sat down on the edge of the narrow bed. 'Corrie,' he began gently, 'when you and I go to Amsterdam-when do I give you your ticket?'
I sniffed a few times, considering this. 'Why, just before we get on the train.'
'Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things, too. Don't run out ahead of Him, Corrie. When the time comes that some of us will have to die, you will look into your heart and find the strength you need-just in time.'"

I think of this passage often, because I think the sentiment is true, no matter what situation we find ourselves facing. "Our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need things" and we will "look into [our hearts] and find the strength [we] need - just in time."

I told Aaron I wasn't sure I would have been able to handle the miscarriage any sooner than I did - but once I was facing it, I had the strength I needed, just in time. Praise God for what a loving Father He is to all of His children!

And that is exactly what we are - children of our Father. I'm not going to pretend to be stronger than I am, to be braver than I am, to be wiser than I am. Before God, I want to just be the little child that I am, with a mind too small to fully understand why we won't get to meet Francis Marie here on earth, and I just want my Father God to hold me in the palm of His hand, and to give me exactly what I need.

St. Thérèse of Lisieux, in her autobiography, The Story of a Soul, puts it this ways:

"To be little means recognizing one's nothingness, expecting everything from the good God, as a little child expects everything from its Father... Even amongst the poor a little child is given everything it needs so long as it is little."

We don't have to have all the answers, we don't have to have strength or peace or courage any other grace or virtue on our own. We just have to ask and trust and our good God will provide.

"The LORD supports all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down. 
The eyes of all look hopefully to you; you give them their food in due season.
You open wide your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
You, LORD, are just in all your ways, faithful in all your works.
You, LORD, are near to all who call upon you, to all who call upon you in truth." 
- Psalm 145:14-18



*If anyone is looking for a good read, I'd highly recommend those three books to anyone: Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust by Immaculée Ilibagiza, The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom, and The Story of a Soul by St. Thérèse of Lisieux. Amazing stories by amazing women of God.